Turtleship

I’ve still been thinking about the challenge of writing and whether I am brave enough to do it. It just seems difficult getting my thoughts down on paper, or screen. I think it’s all to do with - if you start to write down fictional ideas, journal points, characterisations, then you’ve got an object of criticism for others. If you keep it all in your head then it’s secure, and at the moment I haven’t got a thick enough skin to brave out what others may say.

Last night we had rather a worrying thing happen. We had some kids throw something like mud at our front door. I’ve been reflecting on our reaction to it.

The first thing that happened was a knock at the door, and the typical behaviour of going to answer it and then no-one was there. Your heckles start to rise, and initially you shrug and brush it off. Then, something like mud was thrown at the window (hurrah for double glazing), and at this stage your fear instinct starts to rise as you start to appreciate that you may have been singled out. You immediately become afraid and not sure what to do. Which is really interesting as I’ve now realised that for most of us fear is not an emotion that we experience very frequently.

I demonstrated typical behaviour and went upstairs to see if I could see the perpetrators. There was some kids around, and they could apparently see us looking out and scarpered once they thought we were going to come out of the house. Then nothing for about an hour, until a very bizarre thing occurred. A bamboo cane was slid through our letterbox. Which don’t you think is a very odd thing to do……it’s bizarre. At the time it occurs, believe me it’s not. You see it with fear, and it feels sinister. You become aware that something worse could be being planned for your home. The fact that this could happen to you and your home is what’s scaring you. I mean, why would a bamboo cane through your door scare you. It’s just plain odd. But it’s your thoughts that are making it sinister, did They just see it as a lark, an act of dare performed by an alpha male? They probably saw it as a something to laugh about, far from sinister. It was a bamboo cane after all.

However, the fact was, I went to bed scared. My imagination had been kick started “will they set our house on fire, will they graffiti the house, break the windows”, that’s what makes you scared, not a bamboo cane. Imagination. The other thing that surfaces is a practicality I’ve not faced before and that is - how do you confront them? What do you do? Do you live in fear and close all your curtains, lock the door, in a turtle-esque manner, and hope they will go away, or do you open the door each time something happens and try and deal with a group of people whose motives you don’t understand, and whose bravado and comradeship of youth you will not understand. You realise you are living a life experience without adequate skills, and that you character is being tested.

Anyway, they came and went and maybe it’s to early to learn any lessons. I slept soundly and nothing went bump in the night and now feeling fairly blasé about it all now that the sun is bright, and no harm has been done. But hey remember – last night I didn’t really want to go to bed on my own, and made my husband come to bed early. Would I be feeling the same if they’d come back during the night. We’ll see what happens in future nights. And I still haven’t come to any conclusion as what you should do though to confront or turtle or also how to handle your fear.