Being Human

I have been thinking recently about what makes us old, and also the side effects of being old. To me there are a a number of events that make us older and wiser. The first is the death of a parent or anyone close to you. It really focuses the brain on what's important and more importantly I think that death brings out the importance of having close relationships with people as they understand you and you become not quite alone, also I think relationships can be brought closer together by the death of a friend.

The other thing that makes you old is decision making. I am useless at it, I am a Libran so therefore constantly balancing the two halves of a decision. Indecisiveness is a way of life for me it has become my method of behaviour - preferring to put it off for another day, or hoping that someone will make the choice for me. Which isn't right is it? Other people making the choice for me means that they are ultimately imposing their choice of me. I am often asked for my opinion which I find hard to give, to scared to speak out and make decision on what I think to be true - often this inadvertently gets me into trouble as I'll find myself being told "well J agrees with me" . I am trying hard to have an opinion on more things, but having an opinion means making the decision to say what you believe in - which is a whole new scope of learning and for another blog.

Anyway where is this ramble leading to.. Mr J and I find ourselves having to reaching in and make a couple of the decisions that will make us old. They are also decisions that only the two of us can make. No-one else. Sure we can ask for all the advice in the world from our parents and friends but ultimately the decision is for the two of us. The first decision involves our choice of house, and that's the point. It's not about being a house, it's about being a home for us and any potential family that come along, and I don't mean K&J coming to stay.

We've got the shortlist of houses down to two, one a little cottage in a nice village, that is tiny and a bit impractical, and the other a not so pretty modern house but has all the requirements we are looking for and a garden with apple trees -for some reason the apple trees are important to me. It's a life choice that we have to make, and ultimately it comes down to also the life choice of having children. Do you have children that encompass the life you lead or do you create your life that encompasses children. I will ponder more and come back to you.

It occurs to me as I finish this blog that I am not very good at exploring ideas and my train of thought, I need to work on it in my writing. Also, that my original title for the blog was "to be decided later", at the time I was scared as to the nature of what writing would mean, and I didn't want to make a foolish mistake so I called it something bland, but yet I used the word decided in the title...freaky. I have made the decision to write, maybe I can with Mr J make the decison about a home.

JJ